Rebel Girl You Are The Queen Of My World

My friend's mom died unexpectedly last week. This friend is a bad-ass, super-smart feminist--the kind of woman you want by your side when you're walking down the street on a cold dark night, or when you're arguing about abortion/reproductive rights with someone who's adamantly anti-choice (or frustratingly ambivalent about the issue), or, when you're shaking with fear, facing an enormous personal challenge (she was in the room the day I defended my dissertation).

The news about her mother came via Facebook. I waited a couple of days before I called. What do you say? It's her mom. There are no words for this; I ask about funeral services--her mom requested that none be held. "I think I'm coming to the consciousness-raising meeting on Sunday," she says. "Great, I can't wait to see you," I reply. "Let me know if you need anything...love you." A few more short exchanges. We hang up.

I can't know what she's feeling. Can't even fathom it. But she keeps busy. Keeps posting biting commentary on race and gender on Facebook. Writes a "call for entries" piece for an online journal about an upcoming performance project (on motherhood, nonetheless) that she began conceptualizing/planning before her mother's death. Finishes a video work and installs it in a gallery. Attends the opening reception. All while dealing with the drama that always unfolds amid the worst family crises.

My friend is one of a kind in many ways, but she is like so many of the women in my life. We don't stop. Can't stop. Are always doing, creating, saving the damn day. Practically, we rule. Structurally, we're at the mercy of a millenia-old patriarchal system that is perpetuated by images and texts that exist to put/keep us in our place. Disney princesses, MTV's "Jersey Shore," video "hoes," "reality" shows like "The Bachelor," airbrushed fashion photography, pornography, anti-choice murderers, serial killers, domestic violence perpetrators, rapists, and misogynists like Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern.

I want a television show with my friend as star, director, and producer. About a real woman who picks herself up on the worst fucking week of her life, and continues to work on important, creative projects. She might break down under the sadness and stress by the end of the season, but I know at least fifty women who would be there to lift her up and pick up the slack if that happened. And not just to get on TV.